Rule of 33
“You are the average of the five people spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn
Take a moment to think about your five. Imagine you were to set out into the open water on a boat for a very long journey and only those people would be with you.
When most people think of the word “success” they usually relate it to money and status. In reality, there are several areas of life that someone can achieve success. My dear friends, Jon & Missy Butcher, built a conscious life cultivated with time and effort focused on specific categories. They share this concept in their Lifebook program and take a deeper dive into those areas they defined as health and fitness, intellect, emotions, character, spirituality, love-life, family, social relationships, career, financial, quality of life, and life vision. Having a framework to create “success” is essential to manifesting true health within each facet of your life.
Life’s relationships tend to present themselves in varying levels. For family we have immediate, close, distant, extremely distant, and then family you wish you didn’t have to claim. Our friendships work largely the same way; best friends, friends, acquaintances, neighbors, “Facebook-only”, work, and people you are embarrassed to be associated with. Through all social dynamics; developing a process of establishing relationships that allow for the most personal growth and happiness can be challenging.
Some time ago, I adopted the Rule of 33, originated by Tai Lopez. To maximize the effectiveness of any relationship, we should sort them into roughly three groups.
The first 33% should be the mentors, spiritual leaders, and other thought leaders who you respect and can gain wisdom from. This will include the books you read, podcasts, and personal friends whose advice you hold in high regard. They are the relationships that will challenge you for your growth and benefit. They are the navigators that will lead you into and through your uncharted waters, because they have the wisdom and experience to help you see or avoid obstacles ahead.
The second 33% group are your peer group. The people you feel comfortable with and could call in an instant. You know you will be heard when needed and have no trouble listening intently when they come calling. Largely, the relationships here will be with those at the same level as you find yourself and act as your biggest cheerleaders. They are seemingly on the same path toward growth and contribution. Typically, about 80% of the drama in your life will stem from this group, so be mindful of how much time and energy you spend with them. They are the people you have sailed with a time or two; they are reliable and strong members of your crew.
The third 33% group are the people who you mentor. While age often factors in with the adage of older and wiser, do not discount the abilities and knowledge of all generations. Everyone should make the time to mentor anyone who may benefit from their expertise. Yes, I said expertise. We are ALL experts in some regard; including what not to do based on life’s lessons-learned. There are countless people in your circle who are in need of the knowledge, skills, and even emotional support you can offer. Within the Rule of 33, the expectation for both parties should be growth in energy and knowledge from the exchange. It is imperative to clearly establish the ground rules of this level of relationship, where you are the mentor offering your time, energy and resources ONLY if the mentee truly accepts and desires this support. This also means that you, as the mentor, must be very thoughtful of an energetic exchange; the advice offered; and timely follow-through with the mentee. If executed well, these relationships can be some of the most rewarding in life. They are the newbies you will teach to tie knots cementing future relationships that will take them far on their own journey while contributing to yours.
Many opportunities to make a difference are likely surrounding you this very moment. It may be how you might improve the connection with your children, neighbors or work colleagues. It could be lending your gifts to church members, ex-military servants (who deserve our reciprocated support) or teenagers of any walk of life seeking guidance. Yes, it takes time and energy. Often it can require advanced communication skills, patience and the keen ability to navigate emotions. When all is said and done, it really just takes heart. I assure you, though, there is no greater reward.
The final 1% is the most important and I skew a little from Lopez’s initial thought here. It is where I allow the Universal Intelligence to present new opportunity. Think of it as the pathway to each of the 33s. Going to a presentation that truly inspires you and then asking the speaker for personal mentorship. Recognizing an instance where you can make time to help your kids with homework and shut off the noise on your phone you have almost become addicted to. Hearing about a struggling teenager or professional colleague and extending a call to set up a helpful and open avenue. These are the moments of being “led” that require you to listen within to your personal guidance system. They are the gut feelings that when you act upon them, deepen your resolve into your own personal power and connect you to the inner wisdom that sees these opportunities for personal and professional growth. They are the moments of life that you will always remember, and certainly worth the awkward moment of stepping into unfamiliar territory.
Humanity is currently standing at a crossroads. Concepts such as social distancing have been thrusted into our culture. In many ways, however, our technology has been pushing us apart for some time. We consider “social” networks online as close relationships and opt for those interactions more than placing a call or stopping by a friend’s home for a visit. Many conversations are one-sided as the masses seek out to only hear the same thoughts and beliefs they hold rather than embark in a dialog with openness and challenging discord. A blessing may come of this as society awakens and realizes how connected the collective truly is. Billions of people on one rock, all with conscious thought and the ability to pick who we want to share time and space with. Life is all about these choices. We must navigate each and every wave we face in life.
I truly hope you have the best people with you in your boat.
